Gay Marriage and Why You Shouldn't Care

Let me begin this article by saying that I have no intentions of criticizing anyone's personal or religious views. I don't believe that being anti-gay marriage makes you a homophobe or a bad person nor do I believe that being pro-gay marriage makes you righteous and better than anyone else. I will continue to befriend people on both sides of the issue because political beliefs do not equal personal character.

That being said, I have a confession to make: for many, many years I was against gay marriage and homosexuality in general. Why? I don't really know. It's natural to fear the things that we can't see or don't understand, and it's also natural to condemn the things that we fear. For instance, many people don't understand guns and therefore fear them and condemn their use. (That's a different can of worms that will be opened on a different day, however.) The point is, homosexuality scares us because it's something we're not familiar with. We have to ask ourselves though, why are we so unfamiliar and how can we fix it?

The "why" part is rather easy to answer. For centuries, millennia even, homosexuality has been castigated, mostly under religious doctrine. The Bible makes a few criticisms of homosexuality, for instance, and therefore the idea that homosexuality is evil has been concreted into perpetuity, even for the nonreligious. As a result, homosexuals have been persecuted, abused, and ostracized from nearly every society, further discouraging any hope of these individuals being candid about their sexuality. Subsequently, homosexuality has become - more or less - a secretive way of life for many who, much to their dismay, must live their romantic lives solely behind closed doors. Remember how we fear the things which we can't see or don't understand? This is why.

Any "new" form of social expression, culture, lifestyle, etc. is labeled as taboo in its infancy. It's only over time that things become more of "the norm" because people begin seeing more of it and getting used to it. In my opinion, we're right at that turning point of homosexuality transitioning from taboo to socially accepted. Though far from a complete transition, many people (such as myself) are beginning to realize 'hey this has truly no affect on me whatsoever.'

That, I believe, is the biggest part of all. It doesn't affect me. It doesn't affect you. It doesn't affect anyone except for the members of the gay community. And like it or not, they may be part of the gay community, but they're also part of the same community as you and I. Now sure, folks will say things like "I don't support gay marriage because it takes away from the value of my traditional marriage." That argument, for lack of a better term, is b.s.

By that logic, Porsche owners wouldn't want people to drive Dodges because it would take away from the value of their vehicle. Or Democrats wouldn't want Republicans to have children because it would take away from the value of their parenthood. Or, even, Christians wouldn't want Jews to own homes because it would take away from the value of their homeownership. If you believe so strongly in your convictions that you are right and "they" are wrong, then their participation in the same institution only increases the value of your partnership. We, as humans, can tell nice cars from crappy cars; we can tell good parents from bad parents; we can tell nice homes from poor ones; and we can tell good marriages from bad marriages. With a divorce rate of 50% in America, it seems like the value of a lot of these folks' marriages isn't very high to begin with.

Many individuals who, perhaps, don't believe that gay marriage will depreciate their own marriage do believe that homosexuality is a choice. To be honest (though I am ashamed of it), I, too, was once guilty of this belief. Unfortunately, I have no empirical evidence or data and charts to prove that someone is born homosexual rather than making a choice (though studies do exist), but let's reason through this debate with an example:

It's Monday morning and you've just woken up and are getting ready to go to work or school. Before you leave the house, you check the weather - be it a phone app, television broadcast, website, etc. - to determine whether or not it will rain today. According to the forecast, there is a 90% chance that it will rain today, so you pack your umbrella and head on your way. But think about what just happened there. You placed trust in experts (namely meteorologists) who used their knowledge and experience in the subject of climate and weather to most accurately predict the day's weather. You didn't call your pizza deliveryman to ask him what the weather would be, because he's not an expert. Now sure, weather is a constant guessing game and meteorologists are often wrong, but if a group of dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of meteorologists tell you that it's going to rain, you should (and likely will) believe them.

Now let's apply this to homosexuality. I am not an expert on homosexuality, and unless you, personally, are gay, then you are not either. Now, if I'm trying to determine whether homosexuality is a choice or not, I'm going to ask an expert—a homosexual. In my experience, I have yet to hear from a single gay person that believes that their sexual orientation was a choice. But even if there are some who believe they made a conscious decision to be gay, the overwhelming majority of the gay population loyally asserts that it is, in fact, not a choice. So who am I to argue? Heterosexuals who insist that gays choose their sexual orientation are just pizza deliverymen trying to tell the meteorologists that they're wrong about the weather. I, personally, am heterosexual, and I do not recall making any conscious decision to like women over men. Do you remember deciding what to like?

Now lastly, I'd like to challenge the belief that since homosexuality is a sin (which can be argued) it must be banned. First of all, we're all sinners. Most of us - if not all - sin on a daily basis. If we didn't sin, then Jesus would have died for nothing. By no means does that mean that we should sin as much as possible, but the Lord sacrificed his life because he knew that we would sin. Beyond that, however, Christians universally agree that only God can judge. Devout Christians believe that homosexuals will be sent to Hell by God for their actions if they do not seek forgiveness. It seems, then, that Christian Americans should stop passing judgment and attempting to fill the shoes of God. Either homosexuals will be sent to Hell and receive their "fair punishment" or they will spend their lives being gay, ask for God's forgiveness, and enter Heaven. Everyone else can sin and receive forgiveness, so why can't gays? Either way, they should be allowed to commit their so-called sins during their time on Earth, the same way the rest of us are.

Secondly, there are a lot of sins. Sure, we know the seven deadly sins and the 10 Commandments, but apparently, anything which the Bible denounces is considered a sin. Does that mean that we should make laws banning individuals from committing every sin possible? That doesn't sound very practical. Not to mention, several of the 10 Commandments are perfectly legal in the United States. It's not illegal to worship other gods; it's not illegal to take the Lord's name in vain; it's not illegal to skip church on Sunday; and it's not illegal (in most states) to commit adultery. And though the seven deadly sins are very broad terms, they typically are legal as well. It's impractical to think that we should govern the lives of all Americans by the doctrine of just one religion and ban every act that could possibly be interpreted as sin.

Thirdly, there are many, many verses in the Bible condoning things which - in no way - should be accepted today. Exodus 21:20-21, for instance, says (in simple terms) that a man may strike his slave with a rod. If the slaves dies, then the man shall be punished. If the slave recovers after a day or two, however, then the man shall not be punished, because his slave is his property. Realistically, the anti-gay marriage crowd would argue that we should not follow that rule, but we should follow the one which denounces a man lying with another man. But how can we pick and choose which verses by which to govern and which to not? It's one thing for an individual to pick and choose the standards by which to live, but it's impossible for a government to objectively do so.

Fourthly, the Bible is a largely symbolic and allegorical book. Again, I have no intentions of criticizing or denouncing anyone's religion, but many of the stories which take place in the Bible are not intended to be taken literally. For instance, most people know that the burning bush is a literary symbol, but many of the same people vehemently believe that Egyptians were turning sticks into snakes. My point is, much like my previous example, there's no objective way of determining which stories should be interpreted literally and which should be interpreted figuratively, and it certainly is not the role of the government to do so.

Lastly, I'm tired of hearing "we are a Christian nation and were founded on Christian ideals." For one, Egypt was founded on polytheism and Pharaonic beliefs but is now predominantly Sunni Muslim; does that mean their laws should be rooted in polytheism? America is and always has been predominantly Protestant Christian, but there's no such thing as a right or wrong religion. Yet formulating governing laws based on just one religion implies that there is, and it is grossly unfair to those who do not subscribe to Christianity. Furthermore, the belief that our founding fathers were ubiquitously Christian is simply false.  

Spoiler Alert: This will rain on your parade.

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Thomas Paine, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Ethan Allen, and Abraham Lincoln (though not a founding father) were all deists. What is a deist, you may ask. Though they were considered the atheists of their times, deists - in the simplest of explanations - believe in two major things. First, God exists but does not interfere with the world; in other words, He got the ball rolling and hasn't touched it since. Secondly, books, scriptures, and individuals claiming to reveal the word of God are completely bogus. Yes, that means that they did not believe that Jesus Christ was the Son of God or a prophet of any type, and yes, they rejected the Bible. If you don't believe me, you can see for yourself. Thomas Paine, writer of Common Sense and one of the key initiators of the American revolution, wrote "I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of...Each of those churches accuse the other of unbelief; and for my own part, I disbelieve them all."

Now, although this has been a somewhat long-winded response to the challenges to gay marriage, I believe it's warranted. There are a million and one reasons which I haven't even had the chance to touch on, such as the fact that government has no right interfering with the institution of marriage in the first place, the tax benefits for individuals, and the role of federalism which undoubtedly defines this as a state's rights issue rather than a federal one. 

But, aside from that, even if you're uncomfortable being pro-gay marriage, it doesn't mean that you have to be anti-gay marriage. It's perfectly okay to simply not care. If you or I wake up one day and gay people can suddenly get married, what will change in our lives? Nothing that I can think of. This is a futile fight for those that oppose the right, as we all know that it is a social change which is inevitable. The sooner we can learn to accept the issue and understand that homosexuals are normal people rather than a bunch of flamboyant, in-your-face, rainbow-wearing freaks, the sooner our country can focus on more important issues.